I just heard it.
I just heard the programming.
I’m sitting here at my desk doing a little contract admin, eating my current breakfast fave (oat and seed granola with strawberries and coconut yoghurt) and an old familiar thought went through my mind:
‘The problem with being hyper-competent is that no-one checks in to see how you’re doing.’
It’s a thought I’ve had for years in various formats.
No-one ever asks me if I’m eating well, because anyone who knows me knows I am. I’m just not a ‘McDonalds and regret’ kinda gal.
No-one asks me if my coaching business is doing well because, well, it’s me. What can I say – I get sh1t done.
On the surface, this isn’t a problem. Life is good. But if we consider that the primary survival need of humans is connection, and we do naturally bond over problems (sympathy, conciliatory behaviour, pandering, coddling) the idea that the only way to get love is to have a problem is a real issue for those of us who don’t believe in problems.
“If You Have a Problem that Can Be Solved with Action, You Don’t Have a Problem.”
Most of our programming is hidden in scotomas – psychological blind spots.
It’s hidden intentionally – human survival wiring naturally hides anything it links to your survival because it doesn’t want it disrupted.
This means we can be literally repeating utter horsesh1t for years without noticing the ‘rule’ we’re enforcing for our reality.
And today I heard one I’d missed.
‘You don’t get love when you’re competent and largely self-sufficient.’
Anyone else just have a massive lightbulb go on around all the things they find ‘confusing’ or ‘too much for me’ or anything from the category of ‘I can’t…’??
Because I did – OF COURSE the system would limit broad-spectrum competence if it considers it a barrier to love?!
If you need a problem to get love, that is to say, the role models in your childhood only gave you the strength of attention you craved when you were sick or injured…how has that translated to your adult life?
Do things frequently go wrong in your life?
Every time you’re about to invest in yourself to finally make some massive progress, does another bill appear that you have to prioritize?
Do you find yourself ‘sabotaging’ success or relationships?
Where did you learn that there has to be a problem?
Why does it feel scary when everything’s going amazing?
When people ask you how you are, why do you naturally temper your good news with the BTS or the ‘reality’ of the situation, so they don’t think you’ve got it too easy…?
I know this is hitting home for some of you – because it certainly smacked me upside the head mid-strawberry.
I’d love to know what you think.