I’ve been in the hospital

I’ve been in the hospital

I’ve been in the hospital

 

So I missed a pattern this past week. For those of you that have experienced coaching – you’ll know what I mean. A piece of childhood coding that was in a blindspot, steered me towards an undesirable outcome this week so that I could truly feel the impact of my old beliefs and finally release yet another that was holding me back.

A week ago, I came up in full-body inflammation. Swelling, itching… I looked like I had severe chemical burns. The lumps, swelling and redness were migrating around my body by the hour, causing strange patterns, bruising, and limiting my mobility. I didn’t think much of it because that was my reality for most of last year, until I realized I had quite a severe gluten allergy. I assumed some of my food had been contaminated, popped an antihistamine and carried on with my work week.

But it didn’t let up.

By Friday morning my occipital lymph nodes were so swollen I could barely turn my head. Parts of me were turning purple. I was being woken every morning at 4 am on the dot with my skin on FIRE. Anywhere pressure was placed immediately swelled into hard lumps – some of the oedema was easily 2 inches deep. My housemate was practically apoplectic with rage at my blasé attitude – she had been hospitalized as a teen with the same thing because apparently it leads to anaphylactic shock. She almost died… And I wouldn’t even take an hour to go to the GP.

‘It’s just shock’ I laughed – my coaching business was super-profitable last year and tax time is here. ‘I’m just reeling from how much I’ll be sending to the govt. in a few weeks.’

Writing this now… I am almost speechless at how cavalier I was with my health last week.

I finally went to a GP yesterday morning, who unsurprisingly, sent me immediately to the emergency dept. at the hospital with a referral letter for an immunologist and a cortisone shot. (Incidentally, I received neither and am still in pain, but that’s another story and not the point of this post.)

While I was in the waiting room, nursing a bruised arm from a comically bad multiple-attempt canula-insertion, my subconscious threw up an unpleasant memory. (Coding appears regularly now because I’ve been doing my deprogramming work for so long.)

It was a picture of me, face down in the fetal position on the lounge room floor. I was 13, and I was literally screaming in pain. I had (probably – it was never treated) salmonella poisoning. I was unable to walk for 3 weeks and had likely been crawling to the bathroom when the pain hit. In between screams I could hear my mother and grandmother standing over me, discussing what to do.

“It might be a blockage.”

“She probably needs an ambulance.”

“Yeah but it’s $75 now.”

“Let’s just see what happens.”

I learned something important in that moment.

Sarah doesn’t get treatment. Sarah doesn’t warrant help. Sarah isn’t cared for.

Many of these things I already knew… But in that moment, screaming into the carpet in the worst pain of my life…Those truths were burned into my hollow, shaking little body.

They went in so securely, that the following year when I split a bone so badly another bone slid down inside the vertical break, when I was told I wouldn’t be taken to the hospital, I didn’t even question it. I just strapped my hand up and carried on. I was eventually taken to a Dr. because I couldn’t do most of my chores. He took out a protractor and measured the angle – “You have a 40- degree bend in this finger!”, He exclaimed and sent me straight for emergency surgery. On the way to the hospital, Grandad said it ‘probably wasn’t even broken’ and that I was ‘being a wuss’.

And last week, when my body was screaming in pain, what did I do?

I followed the rules.

I laughed it off. I dismissed the idea of assistance. I kept working. I made jokes about using my hairbrush to reach hard-to-itch-while-still-in-bed areas, like the backs of my knees.

This is why I say to clients: “The problem isn’t that you had a bad parent…

The problem is that you ARE a bad parent.”

  • It’s not what they did to you then, that’s messing up your life.
  • It’s the fact that you’re copying them.
  • You’re abiding by the same rules.
  • You’re following the same protocol.
  • You’re acting as though the way they did it, is the way it IS.

When that coding was revealed to me in the waiting room I wanted to cry, but it seemed inappropriate given the level of suffering around me. So I just sat, watery-eyed, and stared into space until they called my name. I cried this morning though. I cried for the little girl who was left screaming on the floor.. and for the adult that I still, sometimes, leave screaming on the floor.

But I made myself a promise, too.

That piece of coding is done now.

Next time I need a Dr, I will fucking get one.

And I hope the next time you need something, you fucking get it, too.

No. 1 key to success…

No. 1 key to success…

No. 1 key to success…

Do you know what the number one key to relationship success is?

Partner selection.

I know – anticlimactic, huh…Bet you were hoping it was some digital dealy you could buy online and maybe stick to the face of whoever you’re currently dating…

But it’s not. It’s all in who you choose.

If you choose someone with misaligned values, or someone that is a trauma-bond rather than a soul-mate… you’re going to have issues.

Similar situation with coaches.

I’m not a good match for most people, because I’m what’s known as an ‘amp’. I can ‘blow up’ whatever will work to a level you’ve never seen or heard of before…

BUT…

Anything unstable, unsustainable or toxic won’t survive the energy.

  • Shitty friendships don’t survive my coaching containers.
  • Toxic relationships don’t survive my coaching containers.
  • Old programming doesn’t survive my coaching containers.
  • Out of date coding doesn’t survive my coaching containers.
  • Trauma bonds don’t survive my coaching containers.
  • Inaccurate, limiting beliefs don’t survive my coaching containers.

As many of you know, I rent space in a wellness centre in Sydney’s inner west, so I have plenty of foot traffic past my office door. People see the sign that lists my services and frequently stop me to ask what words like ‘subconscious reprogramming’, and ‘strategic intervention’ mean.

Yesterday a lady in the waiting room told me she was afraid to do her deep work because she expected a lot of the people in her life wouldn’t like the real her. She believed that if she processed and released the coping mechanisms that kept her tied to the current frequency, then she would be alone.

I said to her – ‘I can’t promise any of your relationships would survive coaching, because I don’t know how many of them are trauma-bonds, and how many are just you settling for what you think you can get, rather than what you are actually capable of receiving. But what I can tell you is that if you’re not ready for a totally new projected reality, I am not the coach you should hire.’
Unfortunately, a lot of people I know are still hiring (and dating) based on what they think they can get, rather than what they actually want.

If you hire a coach that is within your current comfort zone (e.g. a price point that doesn’t affect you, abilities that don’t make you nervous etc), you’ve moved sideways, rather than up. You’ve hired within your *current* perceived identity, rather than the version of you that you’re trying to create.
Given that your manifestations are the product of who you’re being, moving from who you are currently will just produce more of the same.

Thus, if you want to create something bigger, newer, bolder…MORE…You are going to have to move differently.

What big decisions are you being called to make this week?

And have your decisions of late been aligned with what you can see right now, or what you want
to see…

Let go or be dragged.

Let go or be dragged.

Let go or be dragged.

The world is changing.

If you are someone who conflated your environment and the landmarks/components therein (e.g. your job, your home, your spouse, your routine) with your safety, this is no doubt a challenging time.

Societal structures are being corrected to include the rights and validity of all…Not just straight, white people.

Unsustainable work structures are collapsing so that new, generative, wellbeing-focussed options can take their place.

My interactions today reminded me of a favourite zen proverb: ‘Let go or be dragged.’

Ultimately, what is cruel, unsustainable, environmentally destructive and unjust will be worked out of the system, because it is all indicative of a lower level of consciousness.

As we learn and grow, as we move more pain out of the shadow and into the light, as we expose more of what is in our blindspots… We are confronted with how much of our world is not intention but coping mechanism. How much is not thriving, but strategy. How much is not love, but manipulation. How much is not perspective, but panic.

And it’s all on its way out.

If you had confused any of those structures with the cornerstones of your safety…If you are holding onto the belief that your ability to understand and control your world is at the core of your survival…This shift is going to hurt.

But the answer is not to go backwards. The answer is not to reject progress. The answer is not to resist the change.

The answer is to remember who you are.
The answer is to take back the power you placed in your projections.
The answer is to expand the parameters of your thinking, your perceived identity, and the rules you created for a different time.

You can’t relieve the pain by scrambling to exert control over the machine…You can only disable the engine.

The pain is within you because the pain is coming from you.

If you’re ready to see beyond it, I’ll be taking more coaching clients from July.

 

Beliefs only stay beliefs if you keep choosing them.

Beliefs only stay beliefs if you keep choosing them.

Beliefs only stay beliefs if you keep choosing them.

I had to bring this truth bomb to a private coaching session the other day and it was so resonant I figured I’d repurpose it for the blog, with some context. So here ya go!

How often does the idea of things being ‘better’ come to your mind?

  • Money flowing more easily
  • Professional relationships vibing higher
  • Personal connections being more rewarding
  • Your energy levels being more consistent

And how often do you dismiss them with words like:

  • That just doesn’t feel true for me
  • I can’t connect with that
  • That’s not my experience
  • I don’t understand how that could happen

Here’s where you’re off track:

A belief is just a thought that was repeated so often the neural pathway for it has been cemented.
Think of it like a well-worn track through the forest.
It’s easy to follow it, all the work is already done, it’s probably scooped a little so if you get off it your bike naturally veers back into the centre…

But just because you have those particular neurons wired together, doesn’t make the belief true…

SAY WHAT…

That’s right. Just because you repeated something often enough that it got stuck, doesn’t mean the statement was ever factually accurate.

A lot of people still think beliefs come from evidence. Obviously they don’t, otherwise when confronted with new evidence, people would change their beliefs.
I think facebook shows you often enough what really happens when people are confronted with new evidence… 😉

What’s true is: Beliefs are strategic. We choose and stick to whatever helps us feel the most safe. Our nervous system is motivated to cling to whichever beliefs cause us to run our ‘safest’ autopilot settings.

BUT…

That means, if you keep all your existing beliefs, you’ll keep recreating the same reality over and over again.

Do you actually want more money, more success, more time, more freedom, more love?

Because if the beliefs you run now haven’t resulted in those things, then they clearly don’t work, and it’s time to create and cement new neural pathways.

Not sure how? That’s what coaching is for.

Apply for a complimentary discovery call here and let’s see what it would take to get you the life and love of your dreams.

 

WARNING: Once you commit, this happens…

WARNING: Once you commit, this happens…

WARNING: Once you commit, this happens…

Hey, I wanna tell you something really important.

When you make a big commitment to a new standard/way of being/level/version of yourself… it’s likely that you’ll first get a dose of ‘universe university’ (as I call it), to make sure you’re truly ready for what’s coming and can handle it.

As many of you know, my business is currently undergoing a pretty massive overhaul, as my brand strategist and I work the kinks out of my messaging and how I want to offer my services. In line with this, I’ve had to take a serious stand for who I am, what I represent, and what truths I think are valuable enough to warrant sharing.

This means that there is a whole ‘lotta honesty coming in 2020.

In the past, I sat on the fence a lot. I disliked being trolled and yelled at online, and so I kept most of the really triggering stuff to myself. But deep in my heart, I know that hiding triggering content isn’t helping anyone because triggers are the keys to the old coding that keeps us stuck. They are literally the pathway to the wounds that control us until we heal them.

I am eternally grateful for my triggers and whilst it is incredibly uncomfortable to swim in them all the time 😉 …I have learned to love the sensation of my nervous system giving me priceless data that allows me to grow at the rate required to achieve my outlandish, audacious goals. 🖤

So, very recently I made a firm mental commitment to come through 2020 more authentic than ever before. And lo and behold… In rolled the triggers, LOL. 🤣

In the last 24hrs alone, I have received 2 rounds of scathing feedback and been publicly scolded and branded ‘dangerous’ (go on – laugh with me…) for simply asking people their opinion on extremely disruptive content and daring to suggest that someone consider their nervous system important enough to actually listen to.

Young me would’ve been debilitated.

Today’s me is exhilarated.

So here’s the takeaway:

If you’re gunna do the big scary thing, expect to be tested first. Know what you’re up against and commit to feeling all the feels but pushing through anyway.

Your resolve will be tested.
Your courage will be tested.
Your diligence will be tested.

And on the other side of the test… is everything you ever wanted.

If you’re feeling brave about your biggest goals this week and you’re ready to face your fears head on (so that you may see them for the holograms they are), reply with a HELL YEAH. I’d love to celebrate everything YOU’RE dreaming of, coming to fruition as well.  🖤

Give it all away.

Give it all away.

Give it all away.

The impact of your home environment on your psyche can not be understated.

(Also – autocorrect changed ‘psyche’ to ‘psycho’ and that sentence still made sense… lol)

The standard you set in your home, the standard you look at every day (even more during this shutdown!) is the standard your subconscious mind takes on:

Keeping a lot of crap we don’t need? No problem.

Dusty, sticky, unkempt? Can do.

Cluttered, confusing, inefficient? No worries.

Prioritizing junk over peace and flow? Gotcha.

I know I harp on about the spring clean and the closet clear-out and the constant curation of my space… but the reason I let it take up so much of my content is that it WORKS.

When I am feeling uncreative… I make space for creativity.

When I am feeling unfocussed… I make space for attention.

When I am feeling disconnected… I make space for a more authentic expression of myself.

All of that requires heaving out the junk, taking the donate box to goodwill, filling the bins and refining the possessions.

Today I changed all the shelving in my big closet, changed my wardrobe around to create a feature of my most treasured and colourful wardrobe items, tripled the size of my Goodwill pile and cleaned and dusted my whole studio.

And Hey Presto… I finally had the mental space I had been missing to sit down and complete the course work for my Master Coach certificate.

I urge you to attempt the biggest ejection of space fillers your home has ever seen, and watch the universe fill the vacuum with everything you’ve been praying for but had no room to receive ❤️

You’re worth it 😁