Why is this STILL coming up?!

Why is this STILL coming up?!

Why is this STILL coming up?!

Have you ever gone over an issue with your coach or therapist, only to have the pain or the pattern resurface later on from a different trigger?

How did you feel?

If you were anything like most people I talk to, you felt frustrated and disappointed. Frustrated because you thought you had ‘dealt with that already’ and disappointed because you now realize it hasn’t actually been eradicated.

Today I want to give you some clarity on this.

I’ve heard many clients say that they were advised that the deep work to uncover the pattern was ‘the hardest part’. This is meant in the moment to encourage and reassure them, but all it really does is confuse ‘the work’ with what I call ‘the theatrics’ of coaching. 😉

The initial breakthrough is an event, for sure. It’s amazing to be able to see your whole life as one big and nuanced, clear and predictable response. It feels euphoric to suddenly realize that the world is (and has always been) responding to your commands and that everything you want to have, be and do is now possible and available.

BUT… that’s not actually ‘the work’.

The door is now open, but you haven’t yet walked through it.

Neural repatterning requires that you make different choices throughout your day. The only way to make real change is to create and cement new neural pathways, and that’s done by coming off autopilot and choosing in alignment with the new identity and the desired outcome.

And that takes support. Because it can be difficult, uncomfortable, and occasionally scary in the moment.

The breakthrough isn’t the work – the breakthrough is the key that opens the door to your work.

So if you did a couple of sessions with a coach that one time, and you felt like you got amazing clarity but didn’t stay with the longer term accountability and support required to actually cement the changes, I want you to put 2 and 2 together on this right now…

The value is not in the moment of clarity… the value is in what you do with it, now that you’re able to make conscious choices rather than being run by the subconscious programs…

(Incidentally, this is why coaches don’t work by session – we work by package. Because the breakthrough is the first part, but the support through the repatterning process is the kicker.)

SO…If the pattern is coming up for you, that means that the original neural pathway is still active. If it’s still active, still the default setting, then 2 things aren’t complete yet:

1. the new pathway hasn’t been created/cemented.

2. the old pathway is still being used and therefore hasn’t pruned apart.

Achieving that requires conscious, consistent and committed decisions in the direction of your dreams.

And that can’t be done on your own. That needs support, oversight, strategy, accountability, and a container that ensures you never let it fall by the wayside.

If you’re ready for that…Let’s talk. S’what I do. 🙂

Affirmations = losing battle

Affirmations = losing battle

Affirmations = losing battle

I’m here this week with a little revelation that’s been landing well with my 1-1 clients of late, and that is why your daily affirmations may not be working as fast or as accurately (or at all…) as you’d like…

As much as I love context, analogy, and long-winded storytelling, this issue is pretty frustrating for people so I’m just going to get to the point: Your subconscious works harder than you.

Your childhood programming is like your ‘default setting’. It’s the autopilot your system runs on 24hrs a day…so if your default settings look anything like this:

– life is hard
– money is scarce
– you have to trade hours for money
– making more money means less time with family
– there’s no space for me
– my needs aren’t important
– something always goes wrong

…then taking a few minutes a day to repeat new beliefs (verbally, mentally or written) is barely going to make a dent.

95% of your day is handled by the subconscious. Therefore, interrupting your autopilot settings (and their associated scripts) will be vastly more effective than regular (but comparatively small) affirmation-interludes.

To clarify:
It’s your 10mins of affirmations, against your subconscious working to your old programming for the other 23hrs and 50mins a day.
No competition. Total knockout.

The subconscious mind is always working to make sure your world conforms to your stories, by deleting, distorting, and generalizing the data you receive from the environment. If you want ‘evidence of your new beliefs’ to show up…you have to commit to the belief FIRST…so that the brain will let the evidence past your filters.

E.g. if you want to see proof that you’re financially safe and supported, you have to believe it first.

Now, some of you might think that’s hard. But it’s not actually hard, it just requires a committed decision and a little determination.
If you’d like more info on this, simply download my free pdf on how to change beliefs from the resources page on my website.

So…

I said above that a better option would be to interrupt your autopilot settings as they happen, so that your subconscious doesn’t have such a massive lead.

Here’s how:

1. Recognize your more ‘unpleasant’ emotions as an indicator that you have an out-of-control narrative going on in your head. Ask yourself: ‘What am I making this mean?’ to find the story you’re telling and choose another. Pick something that helps you connect with an emotion that supports you and gets you into alignment with the life you want.

2. Check in with yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself how you’re feeling, and if you need anything. Be a good caretaker and get yourself what you need so that your system learns to trust you. A nervous system working from the idea that ‘I don’t get my needs met’ will always be some level of anxious or upset. Meet the needs = relieve the panic.

3. Keep a note of how you’re meeting your needs and seek to upgrade your methods over time. Small, incremental progress is perfectly fine. An example of an upgrade would be: If you currently deal with work stress by taking yourself to Starbucks for a Super Venti Mocha Choca Vodka Valium Vanilla Frappe with extra whip and four kinds of sprinkles…consider walking a little further to a different cafe so that you get more breathing, moving and sunshine time, and order something a little less inflammatory each day…

4. Consciously take on the idea that your autopilot settings (anger, fear, rejection, sugar…) are a PATTERN, they are not an IDENTITY. What I mean by that is to stop hiding behind identity-statements like ‘I have money issues’, ‘I am scared to leave my job’, ‘I have no luck with men’ and get familiar with the truth, which may be that you’ve decided not to stress about money, because the stress patterns didn’t create more income. You’ve decided to re-examine your old beliefs about jobs being the ‘safe’ option, and you’ve decided to focus on raising your standards for a partner so that you can feel excited about dating again.                                                               
5. Get help. A coach is there to see the aspects of your programming that are in your psychological blind spots. Invest in catching them NOW, so that they don’t keep derailing your amazing dreams for the future!

I hope that was helpful, as always, I love to hear what you thought so drop a comment or question anytime.

I don’t like weekends.

I don’t like weekends.

I don’t like weekends.

When I had a corporate job, I LIVED for the weekends. Every week was a painful countdown through:

Ew, Monday

Tuesday – Pointless Second Monday

Wednesday – Hump Day – getting there!

Thursday – Friday Eve…

and finally:

FRIDAY!!!!!

Then Saturday was pure joy, and Sunday was just ‘Depressing Pre-Monday’

Now that I am self-employed, weekdays are where all the excitement is!

I live in and work out of a wellness studio that is a huge converted church.

We have a myofascial release expert and spray tanner/beauty therapist, an energy healer, and a yoga shala that also handles functional movement, stretch therapy and feldenkrais

….And me, the resident life coach. ♥

I think we are trained from school to be ‘on’ Monday to Friday, and wind down at the weekends, which works great now, but if you’re in a job you hate it’s just so much more painful because you’re burning all your ‘up-time’ doing something you don’t care about, and when you finally get a couple days to yourself you crash, rather than working on moving your dreams forward.

During the week this place is a hive of activity and I love it. Weekdays are also the time I feel the most social; my calendar is full of fun things like 1-1 coaching clients, yoga classes, networking coffees, and sessions with my personal trainer.Everything is open so errands are a breeze, and the postal service is alive so I get parcels. 😀

But the weekend is quieter. There are only 3 yoga classes all weekend. No mail comes, the masseuse and the energy healer don’t work Sundays, and I tend to feel very ‘hibernatey’ after a big week.

I am, admittedly, very creative on Saturday afternoons. That’s when I write courses and e-books and blog posts. But I was never able to write on weekends when I had a 9-5 I hated…I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and too much in ‘survival mode’ to attempt any expansion or thriving.

How does your week affect you? What are your on days and off days? Where are you out of sync with society? (e.g. I am home writing when everyone else is partying)

Drop me a reply and tell me about your current sitch. Bonus points if you can articulate the changes you want to make and by when!

PS If you’d prefer to answer on social media you can find me here:

Ever thought about it like this?

Ever thought about it like this?

Ever thought about it like this?

So, I know that getting everything you want and need can be a bit of a sore spot for some people, and I have a different perspective on how I decide when to invest/move forward that I thought might help you.
 
I did a FB live about it recently – just a short one – you can view it here:
 

Hope you are having a fab week.

Best,

Sarah xo

Ask, and ye shall receive…

Ask, and ye shall receive…

Ask, and ye shall receive…

When I was 18, someone gave me a copy of Robert Kiyosaki’s book ‘Rich Dad Poor Dad’. 

At that age, I wasn’t savvy enough to benefit from every concept, but one line in particular really stuck with me.

He said (essentially), ‘Saying you can’t afford it is just laziness. What you’re really saying is ‘I can’t be bothered trying to figure out how I could.’

Confronting, hey.

I still giggle thinking about the amount of hate-mail he must’ve gotten for that perspective. 

Anyone with a pain point around money will immediately feel ‘some kinda way’ about the truth of that statement and likely rattle off a bunch of ego-fodder, like:

‘Sure, but I REALLY can’t afford it’

‘He doesn’t understand – he’s rich’

‘No-one understands how hard it is for ME’

‘I’m already doing everything I can and nothing’s working’

‘If the money’s not there it’s just not there…’

‘That’s just how it is, I can’t change it’

‘If I knew how to change it I would’. 

But if any of that were true, there’d be no such thing as a ‘rags to riches’ story, and there are bajillions. 

Q: So where’s the hiccup…?

A: Between your ego and your mouth.

The ego is essentially a protective layer. But it ‘protects’ you by preventing change.

So anytime you’re about to do something new or different, you’ll get a kickback. 

‘You can’t.’

‘It won’t work.’

‘There’s no market for it.’

‘It’s already been done.’

‘You’re not good enough.’

The people who succeed still have an ego. They still have this voice. 

They just don’t pretend it’s God. 

How? You ask…

They interrupt the flow from ego to mouth, with brain… 

Ego: ‘You can’t.’

Brain: ‘But if I had to. If it was critical… What would I try…?’

Mouth: ‘What if… maybe I could… would you accept… could we try… How about…’

And it is in all of those suggestions, full of hope and possibility, that change is made.

In my years of coaching, I’ve had hundreds of yeses, and some nos.

Not all of the yeses were straightforward.

‘Do you have a payment plan?’ Yes.

‘Do you accept credit cards?’ Yes

‘Can I make a deposit to hold my spot but delay my start date?’ Yes. 

‘If my friend / spouse signs up too is there a bulk discount?’ Yes.

‘Can I pay half now and half next week?’ Yes.

‘Can I just set up an auto payment to you rather than being invoiced?’ Yes.

‘Could I speak with your other clients first?’ Yes.

‘Can I credit those sessions toward a contract?’ Yes.

‘Can we delay my start date until my tax return comes in?’ Yes.

‘Can we use the rest of my discovery call to coach me through my investment fear?’ Yes.

‘Were you scared the first time you took a leap of faith? Can you tell me how you got through it?’ Yes.

I have so much respect for people who are committed to living their dreams, I don’t think I’ve ever said no to a genuine request. 

What’s crazy to me is, none of the people who said ‘no’ based on the price, ever. asked. a. single. question. 

They didn’t ask for payment options.

They didn’t ask for testimonials.

They didn’t ask about invoice dates or bulk discounts or delayed starts. 

They didn’t ask to see the terms and conditions.

They didn’t want to know who the other participants in the program were.

When I offered a mastermind deal giving people TWO coaches for less than the price of one… none of the people that declined even asked who the other coach was…

When we’re speaking from fear, it’s just a no. 

Not a how, not a when, not a ‘why not me?!’

Just a no. 

So I’m curious – where in your life have you defaulted to a ‘no’ without examining the possibilities? 

Where have you acted as though your ego was God, and given it all your power?

What have you missed out on, because of all the times you ran the ‘I can’t afford it’ script, without wondering or asking how you could? 

Where have you let there be more no’s in your life than yeses?

Curled up on the floor?

Curled up on the floor?

Curled up on the floor?

I remember the first time I hired a 1-1 coach. It was about 10 yrs ago now, and I called them from the fetal position underneath the dining room table in an apartment I shared with my (then) boyfriend. I’d moved in with him even though he was emotionally abusive because I couldn’t afford my mortgage payments, and I had to rent the house.

I said to the coach: ‘I’m not even 100% sure what a coach does, but you have to help me.’

And help me they did.

Funny thing is, my coach never told me outright to dump my abusive boyfriend.

He never demanded I speak up at work about being bullied.

He never explicitly told me to improve my diet or start back at the gym or any of the great things I did when I had someone in my corner, but I did them because when I decided I was worth investing in, that perspective-shift touched every area of my life.

This is what James Wedmore is referring to when he says, ‘the transformation is in the transaction’. Pouring a financial resource with an intense neurological link to survival into YOU… is a game-changing event. It shifts you onto the frequency of being worthy and deserving of time, energy, support, and investment in a single transaction, and it elevates you in ways you won’t understand until you feel it.

If you’ve felt unsupported or alone for a while now, can you imagine what it would be like having someone in your life whose sole job is to pay attention to you and your dreams and give you the help, support, strategy, mental tune-ups, breakthroughs, epiphanies, and reframes you need to move forward on everything you’ve ever wanted?

Can you even fathom what it would be like to get to your new year’s party and have to think up totally new resolutions because you actually did everything you wished for last year?!

Imagine if even for a few months, you made progress towards your dreams every single week. Sometimes huge, sometimes just another chunk chipped away, but progress every. single. week…

What would the cumulative effect be on your life?

As you can tell, I didn’t hire my first coach because I had unlimited resources, funds, time and energy for it.

I hired them precisely because I had none of those things.

And since all my collective actions and thoughts up until then had gotten me to that point… I knew it would be madness to continue them and expect life to be any better in a year if I didn’t radically change everything.

Now, I was at the point where it was do or die.

You might not be there – you might be in a pretty comfortable spot.

Not exactly living all your dreams, but not uncomfortable enough to force you to shift.

If you wanna wait for your situation to shift you forcibly, that’s a-ok. Each to their own.

But if you don’t want that… you just want everything you’ve been dreaming about for years instead…

Let’s talk. I cannot WAIT to hear about all the epic things we’re gonna create in your life!!