Does Your Coach Make You Sick?

Does Your Coach Make You Sick?

Does Your Coach Make You Sick?

I am currently using 3 different coaches, for different areas of my life, and on top of that I’m enrolled in a handful of Masterminds, to ensure my vibe and energetic minimums don’t slip back to the comfort and complacency that my ego enjoys. My support is a critical investment, because procrastination, overwhelm and fear cost more than quality mentorship ever could.

And yesterday I had a discovery call with another coach.

I never turn down the opportunity to chat, because I don’t believe in coincidence. If we fall into each other’s orbit, there will be a reason, and I know I can trust my body to make the right decision. If it’s a no, it’s a no, and we’re all professionals here – there’ll be no hard feelings.

BUT… a yes often feels much worse than a no. And since I experienced the most uncomfortable yes of my life yesterday, I thought it would be worth a public post. Because a common misconception I’ve found, is that people think growth and progress looks like skipping through a tulip field while your PayPal notifications ‘bing!’ melodiously.

In reality, it looks like your vagus nerve has been plucked like a guitar string, and you’re wondering if there’s time to exit the Zoom call before you vomit on the screen.

In the discovery call, we discussed some things that need work around attachment theory, complimentary energies, and expansion. Now, all of these things are constantly being worked on, but from different angles and viewpoints. And this particular coach brought a completely new perspective to the mix. One that would require an unprecedented level of bravery and release.

How did I know that this was going to be pivotal input that was worth the investment?

I got sick. I got really sick. We reached the part of the discussion where it was time to choose between moving forward or falling back into what I knew, and my entire survival system went haywire. I had a vagal response, my head was aching, I was dizzy and I needed to breathe through some fairly intense nausea.

And here’s why that was the best thing EVER:

I was not under threat. There were no tigers in my office at that time. No murderers at the door, no building on fire.

And yet my system responded as though we were gunna die. Which means someone is… and it’s not me.

So who was it?

Short answer: my story. My current understanding of who I am and what I’m capable of.

Our identities are made up of our survival meanings, our coping mechanisms and our experiences. It incorporates our models of reality, our emotional homes and our value and belief systems. As far as the nervous system is concerned, a threat to your identity is a threat to your life. This is why it’s so uncomfortable to have your perceptions about what’s possible rejected or corrected.

Case in point: If you’ve struggled with money your whole life, how much do you enjoy someone telling you that money is everywhere and super easy to receive, even without work?

I bet some part of you wants to punt that person into the next neighbourhood.

Well, imagine that response on steroids. Imagine someone simultaneously questioned EVERYTHING about you and your world.

That’s what I experienced, and that’s why I needed to say yes.

Not in the moment, mind. In the moment I couldn’t tell if I needed to cry or find a bathroom. So I went and had the fit, and then I reached out again to confirm the contract.

Your new life will cost you your old one. When you’re standing at the edge, and it’s time to drop the old weight that will enable you to climb to the next level, do you hold on to what you know? Or release and climb?

Our decisions in these moments shape our future. Drop me a comment and tell me what kind of decisions you’re making in 2019. J

Best,
Sarah xo

Advice From Future Me

Advice From Future Me

Advice From Future Me

Earlier today I did a meditation, where I met and spoke to myself at various points in the future.

Future me has achieved everything I want to achieve and is effin awesome, if I do say so myself.

In addition, every future version of me had some incredible advice. I suspect it will also help some of you out there, so here it is.

2yrs into the future:

Future me is in LA with my best friend and we’re strolling down the street on our way to get some eats.

(I look like I’ve taken up body sculpting, which is excellent news because my best friend is a fitness model and hanging out with her can sometimes be a little ‘confronting’ in the aesthetics dept… )

I interrupt this bolder, fitter, brighter version and she is so pleased to see me. She says:

“Sometimes you forget that the world is mirroring everything you think you are and everything you believe. So, with that in mind, you need to have more fun. You need to relax, so that your world can reflect back to you that that’s safe. Doing fun things, going on adventures and investing in yourself isn’t ‘spending’, it’s guaranteeing your success. Because it comes from a place of knowing you’re infinitely guided and supported.”

5yrs into the future:

I’m in my fabulous multi-storey mezzanine-levelled-to-h*ll beach house overlooking the ocean in Australia. Future me is upstairs getting ready for dinner but she sees me in the lounge admiring the view and rushes downstairs to give me a hug. She laughs at my reaction to the (completely OTT) house and says:

“Why do you seem surprised that you could have so much? The whole planet and everything it contains is just a humming ball of atoms – align with some fun ones and materialize some cool sh*t. You get so stuck on the ‘how’, but all the ‘hows’ are in the material world, and you know better than to mess with the finished product, when you could simply issue a new blueprint and watch it being built from the beach.”

10yrs into the future:

I’m on a yacht. It’s a great thing I got into body sculpting 9yrs ago because my 44yo body is rocking that bikini like it’s her job. I think it might be. She comes inside to get some ice out of the freezer for more drinks and sees me standing there looking really pleased that there’s a yacht in my future. She sees everything that’s wrong with me (health-wise) and looks sympathetic. I admire her hair – sea salt was always my best styling tool. She touches my face and says:

“What you resist, persists. You only have these problems because you’re trying so hard to get rid of them from a place of judgement. You think you’re scouring away everything that’s ‘wrong’ with you, but it was never wrong. It’s just human. You were judged so harshly for every little thing that you learned you need ‘fixing’ around the clock. Your body is tired from all the correcting, love. Start caring.”

20yrs into the future:

I’m in a stone villa in France. I’m sat at a beautiful table in my rustic kitchen, writing another book on another Mac. I’m dressed very chic, no doubt influenced by discovering Sezane sweaters recently. As I’m standing behind myself, watching her type, I hope I bought shares in that company. I sit down on the side of the table, in her peripheral vision. She looks less surprised but equally happy to see me. She sees me looking at the Mac and seems to know intuitively that the next thing I need to hear is about speaking up. She says:

“Just say it. The idea of the outrage is much worse than the reality. You will say things that are true, and people will be angry, and then it will be forgotten, and it won’t really have mattered anyway, so what was all the fear and fuss about? The things you’re learning are to be shared – education is for evolution. But everyone evolves at different speeds. Whoever needs to hear it, will. Whoever isn’t ready, will troll. But you remain safe, and the reaction remains irrelevant. Just say it.”

50yrs into the future:

I’m old, I’m in an armchair, I look very happy, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m surrounded by a lot of family or if it’s because I have a cup of tea. I prize tea very highly and I’m pleased to see it’s still a thing in 2069. Please note I’m referring to real tea – black, caffeinated, powerful. Not that weird lawn-water Americans think is tea. Future me smiles and says:

“The bad stuff was the most important part. We must break our hearts until they open, and I’m sorry yours was smashed so early, love. But you had to be very open to receive the volume of learning you’re here for. You have so much to do, and be, and know, and there simply wouldn’t have been room or time if you’d received the toughest lessons any later. You’ve often thought that being broken so young was the thing that got in the way… In fact, it is the only reason you can do any of this stuff. It wasn’t a pain to get over, it was the most important part of your journey: it was the catalyst. But I have good news. Forgive me if I spoil the ending, but it all works out. Relax and enjoy the ride, love. It’s going to be a truly phenomenal adventure.”

I got a lot out of this meditation – I hope what I received was helpful for you too.

All my love,
Sarah xo

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I Believe In Evidence

I Believe In Evidence

I Believe In Evidence

I believe in EVIDENCE.

Which means I DON’T believe in trusting everything you think.

I DON’T believe in trusting fear.

I DON’T believe in trusting the egoic voice in your head that says you’re going to fail.

I DON’T believe in trusting the people around you who say you’re being unrealistic if they’re not currently living all their dreams. (People who discourage yours, probably gave up on theirs…)

I DON’T believe in doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

And I CERTAINLY DON’T believe in the physical sensation of feeling ‘RIGHT’. Because feeling like something is ‘right’ tells me I have a lot of myelin for it. It tells me I’ve fired that thought so many times that the neural connections are strong. It does NOT denote factual accuracy.

Before I changed my money story it felt RIGHT to say ‘money is hard earned and quickly spent’.

It felt RIGHT to say that ‘it’s unrealistic to make 6figs as an entrepreneur in your first year’.

It felt RIGHT to say ‘you can’t just create money out of thin air’.

It felt RIGHT to say ‘you have to hustle to get clients’.

It felt right to say all those things, and they were all dead wrong. The fact that it felt right meant four-fifths of five-eighths of F-ALL.

Just because you believe it, doesn’t make it true. You believe it because you adopted the belief years ago, you acted like it was true, and you built a reality that supports and reinforces that.

Quantum physics teaches us that at the atomic level, everything is counter-intuitive, and the truth is that beliefs precede evidence.

If you’re creating the evidence to prove your old beliefs, you’re cheating.

If you’re ready to stop cheating, and finally accept that the game is rigged in your favour, DM me.

2019 might just be the year you change EVERYTHING for the better.

Peace

You Are The Only Thing To Invest In

You Are The Only Thing To Invest In

You Are The Only Thing To Invest In

Yesterday I dropped USD$7000 (NZD$10200) on 2 new coaches for the first couple months of 2019. Some of my friends and family struggle with how much and how easily I spend on coaching and support for myself and the answer is important so I’m going to post it.

If you don’t like the movie that’s playing, you don’t try to paint over the big fabric screen at the front of the cinema. That’s obviously not the source of the image. You have to go into the back room and change the reel on the projector.

Same with your life.

Humans are just projectors. We create a reality that supports and reinforces our identity and beliefs.

Now, my life is pretty good. I only do what I want, I travel the world permanently and the people I coach are AMAZING. I am beyond blessed to be a part of the incredible things they want to create: A social enterprise that only employs the homeless. A thousands-strong march for children’s literacy. Support and literature for people dealing with food addiction. And many more.

But there are still things I want to do/be/create. And if I want to have/be/do them, I need to BE the person that does.

Everything is energy. I don’t need to slave to get money to buy things… I already am past the hourly-rate mindset. What I need to do is embody whoever I need to be to have a life that reflects that identity. And some of those identities are a long way from where I started.

The human nervous system is wired for survival. We can’t see our own blind spots, we’re naturally risk-averse and threats to our learned identity create psychological pain and survival patterns like procrastination, perfectionism and overwhelm.

For me to be as successful as I need to be to help as many people as I want to help (clients, friends, and family), I need to always be on my game. It has to be me in charge of this vehicle; not any out-of-date programming, childhood fears or bad habits.

So what are you trying to create in your life that would benefit from support? If wealth is your goal, for example, where do you know your mindset is off because even though you feel like everything you know is ‘right’, you’re still not a millionaire…?

Put it this way: If you’re living all your dreams, continue on as you were. If you’re not, it’s time for a coach. And if you don’t think your dreams are worthy of investment, GET BIGGER DREAMS.

Peace xo

What MIB Teaches us About Quantum Physics

What MIB Teaches us About Quantum Physics

What MIB Teaches us About Quantum Physics

Sometimes people come to a coach with problems instead of goals. Now, that’s not a deal-breaker – a good coach can handle both, obviously. But there’s something very important being missed when we’re espousing our rampant, overwhelming difficulties… And that is this: You’re not describing your struggles, you’re dictating them.

You’re not explaining reality to me, you’re setting it.
You’re not explaining ‘how it is’, you’re deciding how it will be.
You’re not explaining a problem, you’re creating a reality.

If you had any idea of the impact you are having on the atoms around you, you’d be a lot more careful how you feel and what you say.

At the ‘hard copy’ level of reality (the finished product you see all around you), it is absolutely Newtonian. Cause and effect all the way. Tip that coffee cup over? Laptop fried. For sure.

But at the atomic level, down with the building blocks of reality, it’s not Newtonian, it’s Quantum.

QUANTUM IS COUNTER-INTUITIVE.

Quantum isn’t cause and effect, it’s closer to ‘effect triggers cause’.
This means that beliefs precede evidence. And emotions affect atomic behaviour.

You’re not angry because X happened… Your life is filled with things that make you angry because you’re constructing a reality that supports and reinforces your state, and anger is currently your primary emotional home.

Remember that scene in the movie Men In Black 2 where the agent is explaining to the alien that she’s sad every time it rains? She said ‘but lots of people get sad when it rains,’ and he replies ‘you’re not sad because it’s raining. It’s raining because you’re sad.’

Boom. Little bit o’ quantum hidden in an action comedy. Merry Christmas.

The reason it’s hard for people to acknowledge that they’re in the driver’s seat is that you have to accept responsibility for the car being so dinged up… 😉

Once you realize your power, you have to take responsibility for what you create, but that involves recognizing that you’ve created a lot unconsciously, from a ton of out-of-date programming up until now.

For those of us who experienced a lot of criticism growing up, that can feel like ‘blame’ or ‘fault’, which may hurt.

And, recognizing that you’re in control means consciously choosing new stuff that you actually want, since obviously, it’s all available to you. Stuff you’ve never done before. Stuff that directly contradicts who you think you are and risks your current social circle. Like making a million dollars or moving to Aruba.

But let’s get back to my point, and that is ‘stop arbitrarily listing and whining about your problems.’
Because
a) complaining doesn’t fix any of them
b) your energy is creating your world 24/7 and I don’t think you want the problems in it…?
c) where focus goes, energy flows. Put some fuel into a solution, and
d) your vibe attracts your tribe. Wanna be surrounded by people with problems all day? Talk CONSTANTLY about yours…

So! If this resonates and you want to know more about how to get un-stuck and actually start steering your life in the direction you want, submit your details via the enquire page and we’ll jam out over a coffee.

OR, if you’re just keen on learning more about quantum physics for manifestation, I’ll be launching a short course to give you everything you need to get moving next year. Stay tuned!

How to deal with Breakup:  Healing for Those Just Out of an Abusive Relationship

How to deal with Breakup: Healing for Those Just Out of an Abusive Relationship

How to deal with Breakup: Healing for Those Just Out of an Abusive Relationship

First of all, let’s get one thing straight, How to deal with Breakup : The term ‘abusive’ doesn’t’ exclusively refer to physical violence.

Some of the most destructive abuse in the world is emotional or manipulative, and the manipulative kind can be some of the most damaging, simply because it means people have gotten inside our heads without our permission, which can leave us feeling confused, hurt, frustrated and violated.

There will be some time in everyone’s life when they want to know about How to deal with Breakup.

 

How to deal with Breakup : So why is post-relationship self-care so critical? There are 3 key reasons:


 

1.     Discovering the ‘lesson’ in a negative event can help us make sense of it so that we can truly, healthfully move on. 

Taking the time to evaluate the positives, negatives and potential to learn from any situation can help us to feel that we have been made stronger, rather than debilitated by an interaction or event. Not all relationships are designed to be ‘til death do us part’.

We get whatever experiences our soul needs to evolve in this round of Earth-school. Taking the time to get still and quiet and recover, allows us to get back to a stronger, wiser version of ourselves which enables us to avoid repeating the same damaging patterns over again.

 

2.     You can’t give from an empty vessel. 

People who believe that putting yourself first is ‘selfish’ are missing an extremely important point: It takes energy, health, vitality and motivation to give in large quantities. Consider how useful you are to your friends and family when you’re ill.

 

…Not so much, huh?

When our health and energy is low we spend more time on the couch than out being helpful. Imagine what you could offer the world if you were bouncing out of bed at 5am and amped until 11pm. Conserving, managing and maintaining your energy stores isn’t selfish, it’s 100% necessary if you truly want to contribute.

 

3.     Your immune system was involved. 

The immune, digestive and reproductive systems are the biggest fuel burners in our body and they need to be taken care of. If you were in an emotionally abusive relationship you would’ve activated your fight or flight response from time to time. (If your abuser was a narcissist, some of this would’ve been intentional).

Adrenaline and cortisol in low doses over a long period of time are inflammatory and injurious to health, and recent studies show as little as 5 minutes of anger can suppress the immune system for up to 6 hours. Immunity is critical to survival and should be nurtured and treasured accordingly.

 

If you’ve been through a stressful time, do not underestimate the necessity and benefits of care and recovery.

 

So how do we do it? Many people associate the concept of self-care with something fluffy involving Enya and incense, but in reality it’s just taking time to do all the things you’d recommend a dear friend do if they had been through a traumatic event.

 

How to deal with Breakup : Here are my top 5 most effective actions, based on my own personal experience and the feedback I’ve received from clients on  :


 

1.     Speak to yourself like you would a dear friend. 

I may not know you personally, but I am fairly comfortable assuming that you don’t tell your friends to ‘harden up’, ‘get over it’, ‘stop crying about the past’ or ‘take a concrete pill’ on the regular. Yet these are all things we often feel are justified when addressing ourselves. You need to be your own best friend.

And while I don’t recommend wallowing or ruminating (largely because these activities trick the brain into feeling busy and productive, when really it’s just triggering and recycling stress hormones), I certainly believe that we’re allowed to acknowledge that something awful happened, and that it’s human to grieve whatever we lost in that experience.

You are not a machine. You are allowed to react to sad things with sadness, and hurtful things with pain.

 

2.     Recognise that emotions have a purpose, and grieve accordingly. 

The point of emotions is to bring feelings from your inside, outside. What I mean by this is that sadness and crying takes pain from your soul and releases it. This is what they’re designed to do, and they will do it, with or without your permission.

So take the time to grieve and get the pain out, because if you suppress it, it will start coming out at inopportune times such as at dinner (particularly if you are drinking), or at the supermarket.

I had a client once who assumed the pain of a breakup would just heal itself if he ignored it for long enough.

Two years later he found himself sobbing while driving, sobbing into his dinner, sobbing during films (not even sad ones!). I myself have sobbed through yoga classes because trauma is commonly stored around the pelvic girdle and hip-openers tend to release it. Bottom line: IT’S GOING TO COME OUT.

Be smart about how you accommodate that.

 

3.     Move your body. 

We don’t have emotions, we do emotions. Our brains take cues from the emotions that we are physically acting out. For example, depression shows up visually through poor posture, slow movements, shallow breathing, tension in the face etc. If you want your brain to release the chemicals that perk you up, awaken and cheer you, you need to trigger those physically.

Stand up tall, engage your core, open your chest wide, relax your temples and frown lines and look up.

Breathe deeply, extending your stomach to allow your diaphragm to move and shift stagnant air from the bottom of your lungs, and incorporate exercise into your daily life to allow your lymph system to process waste materials effectively.

 

4.     Use food to demonstrate care and self-respect. 

We don’t give children, pets or house plants sub-par food, so why do we think it’s ok to consume nutritionally-deficient and inflammatory substances like soft drinks, deep fried goo and sugar-covered sugar? (That’s not a typo).

Your body uses food to rebuild and regenerate. How are you supposed to feel better when your body is battling to process and detoxify a never-ending stream of gunk? How are you supposed to move your body daily if you’re burning upwards of 70% of your available energy just processing your ‘meals’?

There is no ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food, there is only ‘food’ and ‘food-like substances’. One last comment on nutrition: Do not use food as a reward system. You are not a dog and you deserve more exciting rewards.

 

Ask for help. 

For many of you, this will be the most difficult part. We don’t like to burden, and we don’t like to be a chore. But the fact is, no-one gets through life alone. We are pack animals; when we’re on our own for too long we get weird… 😉

As with anything, mentor ship and shortening the learning curve by talking to someone who’s been there is intensely beneficial, so if you’re lacking in direction, strategies, accountability or clarity on how to deal with Breakup, please apply for a complimentary session via the ‘enquire’ page and we’ll do a little digging.
See you there!