Psychologists say, ‘it’s not the trauma that’s the problem, it’s the coping mechanism’. And they’re right.
It’s not a problem that someone hurt you 20 years ago; the problem is how you learned to act because of it.
If you grew up with a mentally ill parent, you probably learned that nothing is safe or steady, that you need to be permanently on guard, that minor nuances in movement or speech precede psychotic episodes, that managing other people is your responsibility and that people can’t be trusted. All very accurate observations during your childhood, but once you moved out of home, did you choose new patterns? Unlikely.
Almost all survival programming is in place by ten years old and the system doesn’t self-audit and update itself when you change locations. How this may become a problem, is when you try to apply the new beliefs and associated coping mechanisms to new situations.
It hurts a romantic relationship to treat a partner like they’re volatile or a chore.
It hurts friendships to be codependent and resentful.
Where are you seeing old lessons, old beliefs and old patterns getting in the way of your ideal life?
Reach out to me about it – I’d love to support you in getting rid of those old blocks.